So… here we are again. Same song, same dance, same blah blah blah. I can’t wake up, I’m exhausted, insert dramatic eye-roll here. You already know the drill.
But let me tell you, I finally did the thing—I put myself on the cancellation list at my psych’s office. Which, if you know, you know. The wait times are ridiculous. Like, I was supposed to have a follow-up appointment four to six weeks after my last one. Reasonable, right? But the soonest they had was at the six–seven week mark. Too far out. Nobody wanted it that way, but with psych services being spread thinner than a Starbucks barista during pumpkin spice season, you just take what you can get.
In the meantime? My anxiety has taken it upon itself to be the star of the show. We’re talking middle-of-the-night panic wakeups. Can’t sleep, can’t breathe, can’t think. Literally anxious about everything. And then anxious about being anxious. A never-ending hamster wheel of nerves.
Technically, yes, I’m “stable.” I’m not manic and acting like I belong in NASCAR, and I’m not curled up in bed wishing for the end credits of life to roll. But instead I’m stuck in this weird limbo of blah + anxious. My official mood playlist: blah, anxious, bored, repeat.
And, as if the universe wanted to spice it up a little, today is another day off. Sounds dreamy, right? Wrong. My husband’s working tonight, which means I get the whole evening to myself. Translation: too much time to think, not enough motivation to do literally anything. The entire night somehow just vanishes into thin air and I’m left wondering where it went.
To be fair, I do have stuff to do. Blog posts need photos. Pinterest pins aren’t going to draft and schedule themselves. And then, there are my shiny new planners. (Yes, plural. We don’t do “just one planner” around here. Don’t even ask.)
Here’s the planner epiphany I had this week: I’ve always kept separate planners for different parts of life—budgeting, health/fitness, website, you name it. Then I’d copy everything into my “catch-all” planner. But it finally clicked… why not flip it?
Now the plan is: put everything in my catch-all planner first (aka my digital GoodNotes planner that lives on my iPad and goes everywhere with me). Then later, when I want to play with stickers and washi tape, I can transfer things into my physical planners. Honestly? Genius. Why I didn’t think of this years ago, I have no idea. It just makes sense.
So tonight’s big, thrilling agenda? A little computer work, a little planner play, maybe some stickers if I feel like being extra. Not glamorous. Still blah. Still anxious. But at least I’m semi-productive, which counts for something, right?
Blah + anxious + planners. That’s the September 21st vibe